And I’m almost ready to laugh about this, but just not yet.

And so I continue the story.

 From the moment that I heard he had a girlfriend, I went through several phases. I was sad (mostly), but after a few days I tried to get used to the idea. You know, I must move on at some stage. After that came the reality of what actually happened and then the anger followed. I was never one to suffer alone, and that is something the purple flowers at my backdoor will agree with. That is if it was still alive to tell the story. Every time I walked passed the flowers I kicked it.

A representation of how my purple flowers looked before I went all Incredible Hulk on them. (credit: FbCoverPhotos)

It took me about three weeks to come to a point where I really tried to move on and not hold on to something that I should not hold on to. Not that that stopped me from thinking about him and searching his girlfriend on facebook.

Like I’ve mentioned previously, I’m not someone who meddles in other peoples relationships, but I just wanted him to see me and think about how things could have been. If he looked at me and didn’t feel or think anything, then so be it, I won’t bother him ever again (not that I was bothering him anyway, he doesn’t even know how I feel). But maybe, just maybe, he would look at me and say to himself: “What have I done” or “Is that what I will be missing?’. I just wanted him to think about his choice. I call this “the moment of truth”.

I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time getting ready for anything as i did on the night of the long awaited wedding. I wanted to add just a little extra clarity to that moment of truth that may or may not come. Luckily I was distracted from thoughts of him for a while because of the company of friends I haven’t seen since last year, but as soon as we entered the lapa where the wedding was to be held, I wondered where he is sitting, and how his girlfriend looked. Most of all, I wondered if he saw me, you know, maybe he already had “the moment of truth”.

I’ll tell you the rest later. The story is almost done.

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About Die reis

So....I really believe that I’m not the only person feeling this way. Like Lucius Annaeus Seneca  put it: "If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable." And that's exactly my problem...I have no idea where I want to be. I’m content in the moment, but is constantly restless about the future. I have too much of a hunger for success and fulfillment to just leave it there, but never in my life have I had a clear picture of where I want to be. Therefore I want to make life about the journey. I want to appreciate life for what it is, and not let the small things pass me by without noticing them. For the "where do I want to be?"...maybe I will find out along the way.
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One Response to And I’m almost ready to laugh about this, but just not yet.

  1. Pingback: I’m not laughing yet, but I am smiling. | Die Reis

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