I wrote this several years ago when I was still an university student. Although I would never write stuff like this again, it still made me laugh when I discovered it today. Hope you also enjoy it.
O, and by the way, this really is a true story!
I always kind of knew it would happen. She always gets everything she wants, that spoiled brat. It’s not as if I like the guy, no, not at all, but it’s just that I didn’t want her to have him. So this morning while we were working on an English assignment in the computer room, she softly (and o so innocently) told me that she have something to say to me. And when I asked what it was, she replied: “We are together now, me and the Freakin ape” (of course that’s not what she said, but lets call him that for now). Luckily my excellent angel disguise didn’t show any sign of how upset I were. She continued to talk, “did you know?”, “did you notice?”, or something like that. All I really heard was “bla bla bla” as I was trying so hard to keep the jealous bitch, that just wanted be let loose and yell “Why, why o why do you always do this to me, isn’t it the third time now?”. By this time you’re probable just thinking I’m an ass, because why don’t I want them to be together if I does not even like the Freakin ape? Well the answer to that you can choose yourself. Option 1 (the answer the angel disguise would have given you): “What do you mean? I’m just so happy that their together now, they make such a cute couple.” Option 2 (the answer the jealous bitch inside of me would have given you), well lets skip this answer for now and let me give you a bit of history that will (hopefully) justify the jealous bitch’s answer.
Once upon a time in a beautiful little town where the sun always shone and the birds always sang, two friends lived together in their lovely castle. Lets call them Me and Jane. Every day they played in the sun and sang with the birds and were as happy can be. One day Me, decided that this amazing friendship they had would only get better if Me introduce one of her other friends, lets call her “Currently irrelevant” to Jane. So Me introduced Currently irrelevant to Jane, and just as Me wanted it to be, Jane and Currently irrelevant became great friends, in fact, they became such good friends that they fell in love and moved in together in our Castle. (At this stage please note that both Currently irrelevant and Jane are girls). The days grew colder and the birds stopped singing and soon Me were not part of the friendship anymore. They excluded Me from everything and ignored Me as if Me were invisible. So Me made new friends in a far-off place where the sun shone again and the birds sang beautiful songs.
Several years later, Jane and currently irrelevant started hating each other, the castle they lived in became a terrible place and they both moved out. Poor Jane were traumatized and off cause Me were there to pick up the pieces. So the story continue…
Not so long ago in a beautiful little town where the sun always shone and the birds always sang, Me was happy and friends with Jane and also friends with the Freakin ape. So Me though it a good idea to introduce Jane and the Freakin ape to each other so that they all can be friends and sing in the lovely sun. But just as the previous time, Jane and the fucking ape excluded Me from the friendship. Suddenly Jane was not into girls anymore and Jane and the Freakin ape fell in love. They started ignoring Me and pretended that Me is a stupid fool, who would not notice that they were only using Me. So now, just as long ago in a far-off land, the days grew colder and the birds stopped singing and poor Me were left outside again.
Now for the answer the jealous bitch would have given you: “Jane is a selfish and pretentious bitch who thinks the sun shines out of her ass. O look at how lovely the sun is today. O no! That’s not the sun, Jane is just bending over”.
Anyway, now I’m depressed again, drinking too much beer with Currently irrelevant, which kind of make her Currently relevant, and hoping that some time I will be happy again.